Loveless

Today is the first (or one of the first) times that I'd be lying if I said I love dummy.

Ironically I was so sure I still loved him dearly just a week ago on the 25th - the day after my first day in Poland where I got drunk, danced with another guy and disappointed dummy. Just last week my heart broke to pieces when I thought of dummy breaking up with me.

Today I find our Tango calls incredibly troublesome and I find him really needy. It's retarded because all we do on calls is not talk. He just stays quiet and I have to hold the stupid phone up. I don't feel like talking either because I'm busy, I have a sore throat, I already told him about my day via whats app and I'll be blogging it down for him anyway. Often times it's when I'm in the middle of a meal or when I'm walking with shopping bags. So it just creates a shit load of trouble for me. In Venice I dropped my ice-cream because I only had one free hand.
Can't he either not have Tango, just voice call Tango, actually talk when we Tango or just cut short the Tango time??? Our calls often last hours, 60% of which constitutes of us not talking, and me not even looking or holding the camera up because I'm busy.

About 24th, I forgot my Whisky weakness (I remember it as Chivas weakness - but Johnny walker is also a Chivas) got drunk and danced with a random guy. Getting drunk was the one thing he made me promise and I broke it on the first day I partied. So of course he's angry and worried and disappointed and thought of Breslin up with me. It's justified and understandable.

Though doesn't mean I still find it somewhat annoying and right now I'm feeling a little déjà vu - Jonathan syndrome. Using my-fault reasoning, a they're worried, it's for my own good blah blah blah to basically restrict me and tie me down. I'm really bad with self sacrifice and compromise. Reminded again of why I made my resolution not to have a boyfriend.

I realize he's being really nice and all, waiting up until 4am so he can Tango me. Etc etc etc. How he stayed up with me the first few days I was homesick was really sweet too.

But still.

What's wrong with my relationships/me